Top Ten Gifts Your Husband Doesn't Want For Christmas

Well, here’s how - just answer frankly and add up your scores:

1. You reuse last year’s Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).

2. You steal light bulbs from your neighbor’s outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor’s whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).

3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).

4. You put out last year’s stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.

5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale’s or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).

Apparently he’s a saint… And we’re definitely not saying she might be cheating on you… But hey - why just not doublecheck on your wife? Here’s a helpful list of symptoms:

* Instead of cookies and milk, she leaves out a fifth of Scotch and edible panties.

* Comes home with tinsel stuck between her teeth and Claus marks on her back.

* Of the 200 presents for her under the tree, you bought three of them.

* Never very adventuresome in bed, she suddenly asks if you want to do it "reindeer style."

* Her picture is prominently featured on santasbitches.com.